Daring Greatly Book Study: Chapter 1

DaringGreatlyoutsideSunday, February 17, 2013

Chapter 1 addresses the issue of scarcity in our culture.  I don’t know about you, but this resonates with me deeply.  The tapes that play “not ______ enough” in  my own head are maddening.

Worrying about scarcity is our culture’s version of post-traumatic stress.  It happens when we’ve been through too much, and rather than coming together to heal (which requires vulnerability), we’re angry and scared and at each other’s throats (Daring Greatly, p. 27).

I guess this book study is my little attempt to “come together to heal”- I hope you are at least beginning to experience a little relief in knowing that you’re not alone in your human experience of shame and vulnerability.  I know I am.

Questions for discussion

1)  Are you aware of your “never ______ enough” thoughts?  Do they show up some times more than others?

2)  How do you come out of that place?  Do you have a ritual or practice?


A note about our meet-up that was scheduled for this Friday:  There were several of you who could not meet this Friday, so I am actually going to post this Friday’s discussion on Chapter 2 as a blog post in lieu of meeting in person.  Poo!


5 Responses to “Daring Greatly Book Study: Chapter 1”

  1. Brandie February 17, 2013 7:55 pm #

    1) Yes, I feel aware of my “never ____ enough” thoughts, although I had never connected what Brene Brown identifies as “never extraordinary enough”. Ugh. That’s a big one, because it’s so insidious. We have so many opportunities these days it seems. It can be paralyzing. And sometimes I wonder with our instagram filters, pretty fonts and pinterest ideals, if we are becoming more and more disconnected with ordinary reality.

    Then again, maybe taking an instagram photo and enhancing it helps me to appreciate an ‘ordinary’ moment even more?

    My “never enough” thoughts probably show up when I’m feeling particularly unproductive, or more appropriately stated, disconnected.

    2) I think gratitude and coming ‘into the moment’ is the quickest way for me to get out of the comparison, scarcity place. Lately, to bring myself out of scarcity, I sing and do a little jig with Ella….or spontaneously list 5 things I’m grateful for.

  2. Ellie February 18, 2013 12:15 am #

    Yay for more book discussion!

    ) Are you aware of your “never ______ enough” thoughts? Do they show up some times more than others?

    I am aware of my “never enough” thoughts and I have been doing a daily practice for the last week to see where I have fears and to really witness my fears. The “never enough” fear for sure comes up for me quite a bit. I really wrestle with “never pretty enough”. There is so often that I feel that I am not pretty enough, that my hair is too messy or too long to sheds too much, that my skin is bad, my teeth are crooked and not white enough…my clothes are not “nice” enough. The list goes on and on and it really gets me. I make up that I am single because I have wrinkles, ugly skin, or am too fat.

    2) How do you come out of that place? Do you have a ritual or practice?

    I have recently started some self love practices. I remind myself of who I am to God, of how beautiful I am in His eyes, and how much I matter in ways far deeper than my physical beauty. I recently posted a card on my mirror that says, “I love you”. I remember that I love myself and not to be so mean.

  3. Gail February 18, 2013 2:21 pm #

    I am enjoying the book club, thanks for starting it Brandie.

    I would say I’m a pretty confident but often have my own Never…… Enough moments. My daily never enough is never smart enough. I often avoid situations where I know the conversation is going to make me feel vulnerable. I stick within my comfort zone as far as who i socialize with and what activities I do. I doubt I would come to book club in person in case I felt put on the spot and even writting this I have spell checked myself several times!

    To get out of that place I am really pushing myself. I remind myself (and the book helps) that we all have our own insecurities and ways to cope. I made myself go to a social occasion last week that made me feel vulnerable and you know what I even had fun! Yes, I avoided a few questions but i survived and felt proud of myself for going. Next week I’m joining a bible study group at church which is very much out of my comfort zone but I know its the right thing to do. I’m looking forward to chapter two.

    • Brandie February 19, 2013 11:00 am #

      Thanks for sharing this Gail. I hope we will all find that when we willingly explore our vulnerabilities, we discover a richer, more fulfilling life. Love you Gail!

  4. Cara March 1, 2013 5:22 pm #

    UGH!!! I got behind in the reading. Ok. Catching up now!

    1.) Not being ________ enough has been the root of a lot of things in my life, personally. I can’t say I’m always that aware of it when I go to those places. Not goid enough, not smart enough, not ‘mom’ enough, not thin enough, etc…The thoughts kind of slip in and stay under the radar for awhile before I am able to identify where the self-negativity is coming from. Does that make sense? Moving right along…

    2.) When I am able to ID the culprit thoughts, I have to get outside of myself. My tendencies are to act out, but when I can redirect that energy and act ‘into’ someone else, be it meeting a friend for coffee, calling my sponsor, going for a walk with my baby, I can give myself some space to reassess later. I’m usually able to practice reframing the bullshit. Example: I AM actually mom enough. My daughter adores spending time with me. She does not think that I am less-than in any way.

    Brandie – loved your commentary on “not extraordinary enough” – I’m still soaking that in.
    Ellie – I love that you have a note on your mirror!! I do, too! There have been moments of temptation to relapse into self-defeating behavior since my baby was born, so I taped a picture of us on the mirror and wrote “Healthy mom, healthy baby.”

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