Sunday, March 17, 2013
Wowee, what a chapter.
Brene covers A LOT in this rich chapter on shame and vulnerability.
If you’ve read Chapter 3, you probably understand why I chose the image above. Brene Brown describes the shame gremlins as those voices or tapes that play in our heads that say we’re not ______ enough. They’re the voice of the accuser, the critical voice, the voice that keeps us stuck.
And I’m learning in my life these days that if I can have at least a little humor about my gremlins, it makes this whole vulnerability thing a bit more…..bearable.
Here’s what stood out to me as the key points in this chapter:
Shame is the fear of disconnection.
Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.
The Shame 1-2-3s:
1. We all have it.
2. We’re all afraid to talk about shame.
3. The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives (p. 68).
Guilt = I did something bad.
Shame = I am bad.
The Four Elements of Shame Resilience:
1. Recognizing Shame and Understanding Its Triggers
2. Practicing Critical Awareness
3. Reaching Out
4. Speaking Shame (p. 75)
Here we go, friends. I’d like to dive into these four elements of shame resilience. How else are we going to develop resilience than by doing this dirty work? Taken directly from page 75:
1. Can you physically recognize when you’re in the grips of shame, feel your way through it, and figure out what messages and expectations triggered it?
2. Can you reality-check the messages and expectations that are driving your shame? Are they realistic? Attainable? Are they what you want to be or what you think others need/want from you?
3. Are you owning and sharing your story? We can’t experience empathy if we’re not connecting.
4. Are you talking about how you feel and asking for what you need when you feel shame?
Next post on (or around) March 29th: Chapter 4: The Vulnerability Armory